


Grapes and Closet Nerds

by akaiyuzu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (but not rly bc i had to take it up to 1k rip), (he never actually shows up in person btw), Alternate Universe - College/University, Drabble, Fluff and Humor, Gray-Ace Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Doesn't Know What Pop Culture Is, M/M, Tumblr Prompt, established matsuhanas and developing iwaois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-13 21:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11768511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akaiyuzu/pseuds/akaiyuzu
Summary: satyr-syd asked:43 + a ship of your choice!43. “YOU DID WHAT?!”





	Grapes and Closet Nerds

**Author's Note:**

> my demisexual ass has projected onto oikawa a bit.

Oikawa scurries into Hanamaki and Matsukawa's shared apartment, banging the door shut and pressing his back against the reassuring solidity of wood. His chest is heaving and his hair... is as perfect as ever, somehow. Yet, out of habit, Oikawa raises a hand to fiddle with his bangs.

In the living room couch facing the door, Hanamaki and Matsukawa turn their heads to regard him with twin aloofness. Hanamaki is lying on the couch with his head pillowed on Matsukawa's lap, while his boyfriend is holding a bunch of grapes in one hand and seemingly using his other one to pop one purple pearl at a time into his beloved's waiting mouth.

Oikawa spares one thought to how ridiculous his best friends are before he lets himself slide down against the door and sits on the floor.

After a minute of silent observation, Hanamaki and Matsukawa resume their earlier activities.

"Aren't you going to ask me why I'm here?!" Oikawa protests while Hanamaki blissfully chews on a grape.

"This girl on TV said it's best to not pressure your friends into telling you their problems and just wait for them to come forward on their own," Matsukawa tells him lightly, pushing a grape between his own lips.

Oikawa opens his mouth and grapples for a retort, but ultimately groans in frustration.

Hanamaki glances at him with a smirk. "What's your problem today, pretty boy?"

The air around Oikawa seems to brighten up; whether it's because he's finally receiving the attention he wants or because he's been called pretty, it's hard to tell. Perhaps it's both.

"You know about Iwaizumi Hajime, right?"

Matsukawa blinks. "The Iwaizumi Hajime in the same year and major as me? The guy you saw talking to me on my way out of Art History class and proceeded to shamelessly introduce yourself to and spent three entire days telling me he's been sculpted by the gods? _That_ Iwaizumi Hajime?"

Oikawa frowns, but there are splotches of red and pink across his cheeks. "Yeah, that one."

Matsukawa leans back on the couch with a satisfied little grin. "What about him?"

"Well..." Oikawa wrings his hands in a rare show of awkwardness. He usually plows through even the most embarrassing of stories with a devil-may-care smile, so Matsukawa and Hanamaki's joint interest is obviously piqued.

" _Weeeeell...?_ " the two echo him in teasing coos. Oikawa glares at them and breathes deeply.

"We've been hitting it off pretty well since we met. I may look like an asshole when I say this, but I didn't expect him to be so thoughtful when he's all big and macho and... has beautiful tan skin and gorgeous arms and-"

"Focus, lover boy," Hanamaki sing-songs.

Oikawa pouts, but gets back on track. "Anyway, I haven't had the best of luck in guys-"

"Because you keep picking pushy ones," Matsukawa interjects.

"Let me finish!" Oikawa shrieks, offended. " _As I was saying_ , even though all the boys I've dated were gorgeous, things never seem to work out. We were on different wavelengths.

"I thought Iwa-chan would be just like that and I decided to try harder to make it work this time. But he's completely different from everyone else! We had a few dates and he's been really respectful of boundaries without my needing to tell him anything; he didn't even force a kiss on me right on the first date!"

Hanamaki stares at him, long-suffering. "Did you come here just to sing Iwaizumi's praises into the next century? We get it, you're dating a literal prince."

Matsukawa wordlessly slides another grape into Hanamaki's mouth, and he reaches a hand to Matsukawa's cheek, giving him a smitten smile. Before Hanamaki can tack on a "you're not the only one" or something equally sappy, Oikawa continues with his story.

"I'll get to the point if you _stop interrupting, damn it_. Anyway, in our last date, I told him I'm gray-ace. I thought... he needed to know there's a possibility I'll never feel like having sex with him, and he took it really, really well. He told me he's dated ace people before, which explained why it's been so easy with him."

"Do you want to marry him?" Matsukawa asks with a knowing smirk.

"I want to marry him!" Oikawa answers with a groan, burying his face in his hands.

"Then, why are you here now and not getting a dog with him or something?"

Oikawa sighs and looks up at them once more. "We were hanging out in my apartment today and watching a volleyball match on TV, and we started... making out a little bit halfway through. We got into the subject of sex, but we were kind of just joking around... and I... may have said we should get neon condoms and simulate a lightsaber duel..."

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Hanamaki screeches and springs up in the couch, very nearly knocking his forehead against Matsukawa's.

"I WAS JUST JOKING, OF COURSE I WOULDN'T-"

Hanamaki is doubling over in scandalous laughter while Matsukawa is just giving Oikawa a really puzzled look.

"I can't believe it... You said that... Oh my God, what would your fangirls say... The cool and smooth Oikawa-san..." Hanamaki wheezes. Matsukawa brushes a pacifying hand against his boyfriend's back when he starts coughing.

"I don't think that's a reason to come here running," Matsukawa says with a thick brow raised.

"It is too!" Oikawa cries out. "You didn't see it- He just froze up and gave me this really _horrified_ look!"

"OIKAWA, YOU PROPOSED TO SWORDFIGHT WITH YOUR DICKS!" Hanamaki positively hollers, and there are tears in his eyes. Matsukawa finally breaks and sputters.

Oikawa looks red as a tomato and ready to flee, and Matsukawa knows the next place he would go to is their university, and that's one hour away. Better keep him close.

Matsukawa breathes in and puts on his best "voice of reason" face. "Listen, I'm sure you just surprised him. Did you even try to talk to him after that?"

"No, I just ran here," Oikawa says meekly and curls in on himself. "What am I gonna do? Iwa-chan was perfect and I ruined everything."

Matsukawa rolls his eyes. "Look, Oikawa, what you need to do now is..."

A ringtone fills the air—an overly cheerful pop song that's Oikawa's new addiction. Matsukawa snaps his mouth shut as Oikawa tremulously retrieves the phone from his hoodie's front pocket. He stares down at the screen, and his panicked gaze tells them enough without words.

"Just talk to him already," Hanamaki sighs, peach-pink from his laughing fit. "If he's that much of a prince, I'm sure you two can move away from this little incident."

Oikawa inhales deeply and exhales, nodding resolutely. Hanamaki and Matsukawa watch quietly as Oikawa picks up Iwaizumi's call.

"Hey, Iwa-chan. Yes, it's just- I'm really sorry, I said something stupid and freaked you out. If you can just leave it..." A pause follows as Oikawa listens to whatever Iwaizumi has to say. Hanamaki has to hold in the whim to ask Oikawa to put the call on speaker. "Uh... No, it's nothing, you should just forget about it..." Oikawa frowns at his legs, criss-crossed on the floor. He sighs. "It's from Star Wars, Iwa-chan. You know about Star Wars, right?"

Hanamaki is snickering again and Matsukawa has to lightly slap his thigh so he'll get a grip. Oikawa's bashfulness turns into shock.

"You've never watched Star Wars?! Iwa-chan! Still, most people know about the lightsabers, have you been living under a rock?" Oikawa stops, then gasps in mock-offense. "You brute! We're going to watch every one of the movies when I get there!"

Iwaizumi says something, and Oikawa is clearly melting with relief in front of his best friends. He smiles to himself. "Yeah, I know. Thank you, Iwa-chan."

Oikawa hangs up and drops the hand with the phone, seemingly lost in thought.

"Now that that's taken care of," Matsukawa says, breaking the silence, "can we commoners get a bit of time for ourselves? There's some making out in order here as well."

"Alright, alright," Oikawa sighs and gets up from the floor. He smiles and opens his mouth to say something, but then halts. "I was going to thank you, but you didn't help at all."

"You're welcome!" Hanamaki chirps and entwines his arms around Matsukawa's neck. "Make us your best men at the wedding, alright?"

Oikawa huffs indignantly and leaves with a carefree wave of his hand. The door clicks shut and Hanamaki plants a kiss on Matsukawa's cheek.

"Now, where were we?"


End file.
